Libertine: On the Prowl

Vidi, vici, veni -- I saw, I conquered, I came. _______________________________________________________________

Moral Indignation vs Jealousy

09:26, 2008-Mar-31 .. Posted in personal .. 4 comments .. Link

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
-- H. G. Wells

My brother and I have led very different lives. He is a few years shy of being old enough to be my father. And though he came of age during the turbulent sixties, the sexual revolution pretty much passed him by. As a teenager and young adult, he was passive and reserved among strangers and I don't think he dated until he left high school.

I remember him having only one girlfriend before meeting the woman who is now his wife. From the very beginning, she was the dominant force of the couple -- she was even the one to propose marriage.

They've been married for around thirty-five years and he's just as passive as ever. Whenever I've spoken to him over the phone, I can always hear the wife bickering in the background, and his attitude toward his marriage and his life seems more resigned than content to me.

As those who have read my blog for any time, my life is entirely different from his. I'm not the slightest bit passive when it comes to pursuing the opposite sex, nor have I ever allowed a woman to lead me around by the nose, nor would I abide a woman who constantly bickered just to hear her own voice. And I can't imagine myself staying in a situation that I was merely resigned to stick out, and not there because it made me happy.

Several years ago, when I was still in my brief marriage, not long after my son was born, my brother abandoned his passive nature for once and took it upon himself to lecture me about my tomcatting, telling me that I ought to settle down for the sake of my wife and son, that what I was doing was "disgusting", blah, blah, blah.

I didn't take kindly to this, as I never discussed my personal life with him and felt like it wasn't any of his business and I told him so, noting that he didn't seem particularly happy in the life he led.

He never mentioned it again, but ever since, there has been an invisible wall between us, and we've never been entirely comfortable with one another since.

From the perspective of years, I've realized that part of the motivation to his meddling was jealousy and, of course, "sour grapes".

I've not seen him in over a decade, nor spoken with him in about five years or so. I'm perfectly willing to do so, but I'm not going to go out of my way to do it, either.

It's too bad because we always got along fine when I was a kid and before he got married.

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11:02, 2008-Mar-31 .. Posted by DeeJay
I don't like when others meddle in my life either so I can understand your irritation at your brother for doing so. Maybe his distance isn't about jealousy of your lifestyle - maybe it's simply because he personally disagrees with it. Whatever the case, it's sad that the two of you lost a relationship that once was close. I hope you can someday find a way to become friends once again. Good luck with it, Will.

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11:55, 2008-Mar-31 .. Posted by texican
I agree with Deej. I hope that you two can find a common ground...or at least agree to disagree in order to save your relationship before it's too late.

I have a friend who is about to enter into a marriage like your brother's. I can see it coming as plain as day and have tried to talk to him about it. Idiot thinks he loves her. Oddly enough, I haven't been invited to the wedding. I think she's afraid that I might actually speak up during that part of the ceremony.

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10:57, 2008-Apr-1 .. Posted by Rubicon
That's too bad Will...I too hope that you two can eventually find some common ground. After all, you're not getting any younger and neither is he and you don't want to be in a "it's too late" situation.
Sometimes we have to make the first move, even if you don't think that you should be the one to initiate dialog. You may surprise yourself.

Coming from a very close-nit family it's hard for me to imagine what could come between any me and any other member of my family. So I can empathize at the very least...and as a friend I feel for you because he is family.

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08:18, 2008-Apr-1 .. Posted by thebigp
It's too bad you two can't just agree to disagree on this one. Seems like maybe this is another one of those times where neither of you is being passive.