Libertine: On the Prowl

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When Did You Consider Yourself Divorced?

11:43, 2008-Jun-22 .. Posted in culture/social issues .. 6 comments .. Link

I've got a question for those who have been divorced or are about to.

When did you consider yourself divorced? In relation to the first question, when did you consider yourself free to date and to get into a new relationship?

Was it when you made the decision to divorce? Was it when you or your spouse moved out? Was it when you got a legal separation (if you did)? Or did you not consider yourself divorced and available to date until the court told you so and gave you the papers to prove it?

The reason I ask this is because I've encountered women who consider themselves married in every way, thus unavailable, up until the moment the judge officially grants the divorce. I don't think I've ever known a man who kept himself closed to new relationships up to that point.

I don't get that. Granted, I'm not monogamous, but if I were, I would consider myself free the moment I knew the marriage was broken beyond repair and that there was no turning back on a divorce. What is the point in remaining "faithful" to someone you no longer love and will no longer share your life with?

In a time when most divorces are of the no-fault variety, I don't see the point of keeping up the pretense of a marriage between the time the couple agrees to divorce and the time the government makes it official.

Thoughts?

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04:26, 2008-Jun-23 .. Posted by treasa
I was one of those who waited until the ink dried, but it wasn't because of my ex. I had made a promise to myself, as much as to him, to be faithful, so even though he wasn't around, that didn't mean I could break my oath to myself.

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07:11, 2008-Jun-23 .. Posted by itsmylife
When I went through my divorce, I considered it over when I moved out. I totally agree with your point of view. Why not move on when you know there is no turning back!

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09:01, 2008-Jun-23 .. Posted by texican
With both divorces, it was between the time they left and the time that the divorces were final that I went out with someone else. It had nothing to do with any lingering sense of loyalty or anything...I was extremely busy with nuclear power school during the first one and had to take on the responsibility of raising a 6yo and a 4yo by myself during the second one. Otherwise, I might have started dating soon after we decided to split.

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10:22, 2008-Jun-23 .. Posted by kinnigurl
I considered myself divorced the day my ex moved out, which was actually one year before we were actually divorced (in Canada you have to be legally separated for one year before you can divorce). As far as dating goes, it has been 10 years since we divorced and I still haven't dated anyone. Trust issues??? Don't really think I want to get involved in another relationship.

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11:46, 2008-Jun-23 .. Posted by littleMissConfused
I considered myself divorced after the first punch landed!

I had a "free lawyer" so it took almost a year before i was 'legally' divorced. I had already been living with Dan by then. I didn't feel like i was cheating or being disloyal. I did however refuse to be "engaged" until the divorce papers where final.

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02:36, 2008-Jun-23 .. Posted by Aielman
I never felt married in my first marriage. We got married to help her keep from losing her kids, and I was open with her from the beginning that I never considered it to be a marriage.

With Minda, however, I wouldn't date until the ink on the divorce was dried, should we ever break up. Fact is, I took a vow...and word is bond.