Libertine: On the Prowl
Vidi, vici, veni -- I saw, I conquered, I came. _______________________________________________________________
One Car Families
When I was growing up, one didn't usually see as many cars per household as is common today. Many middle class families had just one car, even when another car could have been afforded.I'm not sure of why this was so, but I would imagine the fact that more women were stay at home mothers back then, plus the fact that people simply stayed at home more had something to do with it. I'm guessing that the biggest reason was that people had a different yardstick of what they really needed as opposed to what was a luxury back then.
And this many times turned into a reasonable amount of inconvenience for many families, particularly the at home mother. In most one-car families, the husband took the car to get to work each morning, leaving the wife stranded at home until he returned, even in areas where public transportation was readily available. This meant that the mother could not go grocery shopping, take a kid to the doctor, or pick them up from school if they got sick there during the day.
We had only one car when my mother was still alive, though I know my Dad could have afforded a second car. However, as a thoughtful husband, he took the bus and later the high-speed commuter train to go to work, leaving my mother with the car for the day. She simply drove him to the bus stop por train station each morning, then picked him up again in the afternoon.
I remember one time when I was nine or ten that I went with her one afternoon to pick him up at the bus stop but he never appeared at the right time. It turned out that he fell asleep on the 20 mile bus ride back home and had ridden past his stop. I don't remember exactly how we sorted it out, but I imagine we just went home and waited for him to call.
I can't imagine one-car households where more than one licensed driver lives anymore -- even poor people now usually have more than one car, even if both of them are old bombs. But if gas prices continue their upward spiral, I imagine we could see this phenomenon again one day soon.
I'd be curious to hear about the experiences of any of my readers who grew up in one-car households.
Everything Is In Working Order
Today I went to the doctor to get a checkup. I hadn't been to the doc in eighteen months, so I figured I was overdue.Fortunately, I checked out just fine and I'm good to go for another year or ten thousand miles, whichever comes first. Everything is in working order.
I'm quite relieved to get that particular monkey off my back for awhile at least.
Not much else to report today.
Personality Type Report
Here are the results of yet another personality test I took online. It matches the results of other tests I've taken.Personality Type Report
Your Personality Preferences
INTROVERT
While you may not be anti-social, you do need (and deserve) your private time and space to retreat from the world. Unlike extroverts, you need to develop a concept of the world or some aspect of it before experiencing it. Too much socializing may sap your energies. Your energies are derived from exploring the inner world of ideas, impressions and pure thought.
INTUITIVE
While you do process information through your senses you add a twist to your processing by relying on intuition and serendipity. You look for undercurrents of meaning and abstractions in what you experience physically. You do not just see things just as they are, but as what they could be. While you may rely on common sense at times, you trust inspiration far more.
PERCEIVING
You like to have as much information as possible before making a decision. Putting off a final decision until the last moment does not make you uncomfortable. Indeed once a decision is made, a course plotted, you may feel a bit uneasy, because you feel bound to a certain course of action. You would much prefer to wait and see what happens. You enjoy the opportunity to improvise. Commitments are not etched in stone to you, and are changeable.
THINKING
You evaluate data and reach conclusions by using your ability to apply logical, objective analysis to the information before you. Your thinking process values consistency and fairness over the affect your decisions will have on others. You compare courses of action logically and make your choices based upon what consequences you see them as having. If there is something wrong with a plan, you are the one to ferret it out. It is important to remember that this does not mean you are cold and unfeeling, but that your thinking process is analytical.
Your Personality Type
Introvert/Intuitive/Thinking/Perceiving
You need your time to yourself. Indeed, you need this time so much that some may see you as being more than somewhat private, but aloof and unapproachable. You are iconoclastic, nonconformist by nature and capable of brilliant, original thought. Your analytical skills make you a natural problem solver. You are able to ferret out the contradictions and flaws in logic in almost anyone's thinking--including your own. You are independent, inquiring, and insightful.
In relationships you are loyal to those you care for, but you can become so absorbed in your work and inner world that you neglect them. You may show your feelings for others in ways that are too subtle for them to recognize. To be at your best you need to be insulated from conflict. Your appearance or that of others doesn't cause you much concern. You are non-materialistic. You can be difficult to approach at first, but are usually very accepting of people and their idiosyncrasies once you know them. You are a conceptual thinker, so it is only natural that a good conversation to you revolves around conceptual things and is devoid of chitchat. Many of the activities you love may exclude those around you--they are single person or two person pursuits. You will pursue knowledge throughout your life.
Famous People of Your Type:
Socrates, Rene Descartes, Blaise Pascal, Sir Isaac Newton, James Madison, John Quincy Adams, John Tyler, Dwight D. Eisenhower, Gerald Ford, William Harvey, C. G. Jung, William James, Albert Einstein, Tom Foley, Henri Mancini, Bob Newhart, Rick Moranis, Meryl Streep, Ashley and Mary Kate Olsen.
Occupations Suited to Your Type Include:
Archaeologist, architect, artist, astronomer, biologist, chemist, programmer, engineer, designer, historian, inventor, mathematician, musician, philosopher, photographer, doctor, psychologist, researcher, scientist, professor, and writer.
Take the Test
What Your Taste in Music Says About You
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What Your Taste in Music Says About You |
 Your musical tastes are reflective and complex. You are intellectual to the point of being cerebral. You are very open to new experiences, and even more open to new ideas and theories. Wisdom and personal accomplishment are important to you. You are naturally sophisticated. You are drawn to art, especially art by independent artists. You are likely to be financially well off... and not because you were born that way. |
It all pretty well fits, except for the "financially well off" part. I barely have two nickels to rub together, so they missed the boat on that one. I have champagne taste on a beer budget, more or less.
Thoughts on Father's Day
Father's Day, yet again. It is a day for me to remember my father and it has never felt right for me being the one in the role of father. Nor has my son ever made any particular effort to remember me on Father's Day, either.Several months ago, my sister saw fit to relate a conversation to me that she'd had with my father during the last year of his life, where they'd talked hypothetically about how life would be after his death. According to her, he'd told her that he wondered what would become of me after his death. Her implication was that my father was worried about my future happiness because of my lack of vocational success, because I'd not "settled down" into a marriage, and my promiscuous life.
Never mind that my father had not expressed any dire worry about my future to me directly when he had the opportunity to do so.
I have to question her motives of waiting over a decade to mention such a conversation with me -- if it actually happened as she said it did. What earthly good could it have done for her to mention it to me after all that time?
Did she really need to shatter my image of my father and the relationship we'd had by telling me that he'd never had any respect for me, after all? When I told her this, she was quick to assure me that our father had "loved" me, but she apparently doesn't understand that love without respect isn't really love at all.
Today, I find myself reliving this conversation with her and feeling resentful.
Sick or Allergies?
I'm feeling LOUSY. I'm not sure if it's a cold or just summer allergies, but I've been sneezing a lot, I've got a scratchy throat, and my mind is mush. I've not had a true cold in nearly 18 months, so I guess I'm due one.I can't concentrate enough to write a proper entry tonight.
I'm heading to bed.
How Indpendent Are You?
I've been kind of busy lately, so forgive me for the meme entry.|
Your Independence Level: High |
 You are extremely self reliant and autonomous. You are definitely into doing your own thing. But you also wouldn't turn down help if you needed it. You follow your own path, but you don't do so blindly. |
Another Odd Dream
I had a rather odd dream last night. For some reason unclear to me, I was placed in a jail cell with my ex. It was the jail attached to the police department I worked for, but it looked different than in everyday life. There were two storeys of cells, which was arranged in an open U-shape, looking more like a motel than a jail. Of course, the cells had barred doors, rather than normal motel doors, but otherwise it looked like a motel.My ex and I had a second floor cell and we each had our own cot and we work denim clothes. I knew we'd been placed in the same cell simply because we'd been married. I managed to slip through the bars and get out of the cell and I found my way down to the first level.
Before I could get away from the jail, the sun came up and I knew the jailer would come along and catch me if I didn't move. I considered going back up the stairs and back into the cell before he made his cell checks, but I figured he would catch me before I could get there.
I suddenly noticed an elevator behind me, at the corner of the U. I grabbed onto the outside of the car, meaning to ride it up on the outside. I did so, holding my breath so as not to get caught along the wall.
I ended up in the lobby of a reception room of some sort. No one was in the room, and I looked back to see a bank of elevators from where I'd come from. I had to figure out which was the right one, so I could get back before I was caught, so I could try my escape the next evening.
The middle elevator opened to reveal that it had doors on both sides. The second set of doors opened to show it had another elevator behind it. I jumped in and rode it back down to the proper floor between the two elevators.
When I got back to the cell, I found that another man had been added to the cell in my absence. I was relieved because this meant I no longer belonged there and knew I had to get out before they found me there where I didn't belong.
Odd, huh?
A Thoughtful Gesture
Yesterday, a regular reader of my blog, John Sherck, contacted me on IM to wish me a happy birthday.We chatted for awhile about various things and he eventually commented about my blog entry that day. I'd said that I wished I could stop by the cemetery and leaves flowers on my mother's grave on Mother's Day. As he lives in the same city where my parents are buried, he offered to take a trip down there and leave some flowers on the grave for me. He added that he'd take some photos, so that I could have a "virtual visit to the cemetery".
I gave him directions to where the grave was located in this large cemetery, where the first graves date from the 17th century, hoping for the best. Before he signed off, he promised me he'd email me later about what had transpired, and said he'd send photos if he'd found the grave.
Hours later, when I got home from work, his email was waiting for me, with an account of how he found the grave, along with nine photos complete with descriptions.
I am quite touched by his kindness and I'm using this entry to thank him publicly for his thoughtfulness. Below is one of the nine photos he snapped.
Thanks, John.
Dreading the Date
I'm in the home stretch -- I'm living the last week of my life in my forties. I've been down in the dumps about turning fifty since the beginning of the year.Turning thirty didn't bother me, nor did turning forty. But fifty is different. It's either the last act of middle age or it's the prologue to old age.
Last week, I was sent an AARP membership package, though I'd not requested one. I'm not fucking ready for this shit! I threw the envelope into the trash and hoped that no one saw the mailman put it in my box with my name on it.
I'm not ready for cardigan sweaters, polyester sansabelt pants...errr trousers...up to my armpits, or velcro-fastening Hush Puppies. Nor am I ready for a light blue or light brown Buick Century. Ditto to senior citizen discounts. And I'm DAMN SURE not yet needing Viagra. Hell, I still get that amazed feeling that I'm a grown-up already from time to time.
I've slowed down some in my sex life since my early 20s, to be sure, but it's not because of a lack of virility. And my sex life is still a hell of a lot more busy than most men twenty years younger than me. But I must admit that since the beginning of the year, I've engaged in a lot more random hookups than I'd been doing in the few previous years. I don't know, I guess I'm reassuring myself that my virility and desirability to the opposite sex isn't about to go down the tubes.
But, still, the first time I hook up for a one night stand after my birthday, I don't think I'll be able to tell them that I'm fifty. It's only a year, but forty-nine sounds a lot younger than fifty for some odd reason.
For those of you who have already passed this milestone or will soon face it, how does/did it make you feel?
A Few More Wacky Dreams
Following is an account of some of my more recent dreams:In the first dream I was at Wal Mart just before closing time. I bought an item and left the store through the lawn and garden area. The parking lot was completely empty when I came out. I got into my car and started driving away when I noticed several tornadoes approaching from several different directions. They were skinny, ropey-looking tornadoes.
I drove back to where I came out of Wal Mart, parking my car in a little open shed near the employee's entrance door. I banged on the door to be let back in, telling them there were tornadoes on the way.
They let me in and I followed them to a long, narrow corridor made out of cinder blocks to wait out the storm. At the end of the corridor was a small window with opaque, bubbled glass, like some people have in their bathrooms. I looked out the window and saw a tornado funnel waiting there, deciding which way to go. It came through the window and wall without destroying it, then passed harmlessly down the hall before heading back out into the parking lot.
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In the next dream, I was running away from Hitler and his men before they killed everyone in the room. I ran outside a college building of some sort, across a large lawn, then across the street, then down a slight incline in a meadow that led to the edge of a river. The river's edge was lined with willow trees. I had someone with me, but it wasn't clear who it was. I was suddenly aware that Hitler and his henchmen were on our trail, but suddenly it wasn't Hitler anymore; he'd turned into Voldemort.
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In the next dream, I was working at the police department and I was told I had to change shifts to temporarily cover the job of a dispatcher who was on leave. I told them I didn't know how to do that job, but they waved away my concerns.
When I arrived to do this job, I went into a room like a radio station control booth. I didn't know what to do, pushing buttons randomly, but somehow, I managed to get through the shift.
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In yet another dream, I was taking a nap in my brother's room in the houseI lived in when I was a teenager. I woke up and went in to where my mother was taking a nap.
I was dismayed to see she'd gotten tattoos on one hand and wrist, with another tattoo extending up her forearm. The tattoos were pink and lime green and of a haphazard pattern with diamond-shaped latticework on the upper forearm. I asked her why she would do such a thing and her response to me was a defensive one.
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I dreamed I got my job back at the police department and as the dream began, I was walking down the sidewalk across from the parking lot on my first day back. The entrance, unlike in real life, was in a recessed area, looking much like a garage with no door, except that the floor was tiled. Once I stepped in, the entrance doors themselves were in a recessed alcove to the left.
There was a police car inside the garage-like area, facing the double glass doors. It was a tight fit because this area wasn't as large as a real garage and the car was facing sideways instead of straight in.
The driver's window was down and there were several red-and-blue bound law books resting on the window's "sill".
The car drove through the double doors and the law books fell out onto the ground. I went to pick the books up, then I went through the doors to find a long narrow room that had several desks and office personnel jammed up against the right wall in a row. At the top left of the room was a single door, which the car had also driven through. Inside the next room was the detectives' "bullpen".
The dream faded after this.
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In the last dream, I was facing the wrong way on an interstate highway's shoulder. I was on my way to deliver a pizza, but I'd gotten lost and ended up stuck on the highway.
I got out of the car to walk up a ways to see if there was somewhere to turn around to get headed in the right direction.
A highway patrol car pulled up beside me and I leaned in the passenger window and said, "Hey, buddy." I immediately realized my mistake, as it was a female trooper, wearing her red hair in two pigtails. She decided to help me and not give me a ticket because she found me attractive.
She told me that I could back the car to the next exit; that it wasn't too far. I got in the car and backed a slight distance when I saw a break in the median. I decided to simply dash across that , where I merged with traffic that was heading in the same direction I was pointed.
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Have any of you had an interesting dreams lately?
Memories in a Song
Going through the supermarket this evening, I heard an old song that brought back a memory from years ago that I'd not thought about in a long time. It was the old Fifth Dimension song, "Wedding Bell Blues" from 1969.It's part of my memory because my son's mother used to sing this one to me all the time before we got married (such a subtle hint, hmm). She'd change Bill to Will when singing this song to me. I guess you could say it was "our song".
Reading the words now again after so many years, they still seem oddly appropriate, as the song spoke to my reluctance to marry.
Bill, I love you so, I always will
I look at you and see the passion eyes of May
Oh, but am I ever gonna see my wedding day
I was on your side Bill when you were losin'
I never scheme or lie Bill, there's been no foolin'
But kisses and love won't carry me till you marry me Bill
I love you so, I always will
And in your voice I hear a choir of carousels
Oh, but am I ever gonna hear my wedding bells
I was the one who came runnin' when you were lonely
I haven't lived one day not lovin' you only
But kisses and love won't carry me til you marry me Bill
I love you so, I always will
And though devotion rules my heart I take no bows
But Bill you're never gonna take those wedding vows
Oh, come on Bill
Oh, come on Bill
Come on and marry me Bill
I got the wedding bell blues
Please marry me Bill
I got the wedding bell blues
Marry me Bill
Feel free to name some of your songs with current or former partners in the comment box.
Moral Indignation vs Jealousy
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
-- H. G. Wells
-- H. G. Wells
My brother and I have led very different lives. He is a few years shy of being old enough to be my father. And though he came of age during the turbulent sixties, the sexual revolution pretty much passed him by. As a teenager and young adult, he was passive and reserved among strangers and I don't think he dated until he left high school.
I remember him having only one girlfriend before meeting the woman who is now his wife. From the very beginning, she was the dominant force of the couple -- she was even the one to propose marriage.
They've been married for around thirty-five years and he's just as passive as ever. Whenever I've spoken to him over the phone, I can always hear the wife bickering in the background, and his attitude toward his marriage and his life seems more resigned than content to me.
As those who have read my blog for any time, my life is entirely different from his. I'm not the slightest bit passive when it comes to pursuing the opposite sex, nor have I ever allowed a woman to lead me around by the nose, nor would I abide a woman who constantly bickered just to hear her own voice. And I can't imagine myself staying in a situation that I was merely resigned to stick out, and not there because it made me happy.
Several years ago, when I was still in my brief marriage, not long after my son was born, my brother abandoned his passive nature for once and took it upon himself to lecture me about my tomcatting, telling me that I ought to settle down for the sake of my wife and son, that what I was doing was "disgusting", blah, blah, blah.
I didn't take kindly to this, as I never discussed my personal life with him and felt like it wasn't any of his business and I told him so, noting that he didn't seem particularly happy in the life he led.
He never mentioned it again, but ever since, there has been an invisible wall between us, and we've never been entirely comfortable with one another since.
From the perspective of years, I've realized that part of the motivation to his meddling was jealousy and, of course, "sour grapes".
I've not seen him in over a decade, nor spoken with him in about five years or so. I'm perfectly willing to do so, but I'm not going to go out of my way to do it, either.
It's too bad because we always got along fine when I was a kid and before he got married.
More Wacky Dreams
Last night was recurring dream theme night.In the first dream, I was driving down a main road in my town when I suddenly saw several tornadoes approaching from all directions. I was trying to find shelter, but was hampered from doing so because the tornadoes were coming from everywhere. I turned down several different streets, trying to avoid the twisters.
I got it into my mind that I needed to get downtown to city hall, to go down into the basement next to the police department. I don't know if I ever made it there because the dream shifted before it came to its conclusion.
In the second dream, I had to move back to Texas unwillingly with my father. In the dream, I was in my late 20s and my father was in his early sixties.
I wasn't happy with the move, because I had to leave all my belongings behind and I was wondering how I'd find a job in Texas. There is an assumption in the dream that I would be delivering pizzas, that all I needed to do was to pick a pizza place and show up in khaki pants and voila! I'd have a job.
I had an argument with my father, telling him that it was important to live near family members, but here in Texas we had nobody. He was unimpressed with my argument, and I went into the house to go to bed. When I woke up, the room had changed dimensions and it had been redecorated.
I went out into the kitchen and found stuff from my father's office, as he'd just retired. I picked up the calendar from the counter that had been tacked up to the wall of his office and saw that it was a porn calendar.
Then I went to the front door, and saw my father getting ready to go out wearing the most godawful outfit I'd ever seen: an orange leather jacket, combined with lime green satin pants and a white studded belt. I looked at him like he was crazy and told him that he'd be laughed out of town if he left the house in that.
That's all I remembered of this dream.
I hope I have more relaxed dreams tonight.
70 Questions
I've not had much sleep in the last couple of days and I've got to go to work today, so I'm going to take the lazy way out and leave you with a 70 question meme I found on Chica's blog the other day, as I'm too tired to write anything original at this point.1. If you're being extremely quiet, what's it mean?
I'm pissed off or I'm very tired.
2. If someone hit you, what would you do?
Give it right back to them.
3. Do you still have feelings for your ex?
Which one? The married ex, no. I can hardly remember what she looked like, actually.
4. Last time you laughed?
Last night, I guess.
5. Has anyone told you they missed you lately?
Yes -- fortunately their aim isn't as good as mine!
6 Are you wearing any clothes that don't belong to you?
No..
7. Would you ever date your best friend (of the opposite sex)?
"Date" or have sex with? The second....of course.
8. Have you ever received sexy pictures from someone?
Naturally.
9. Do you regret anything from your past?
Not finishing college.
10. If you could seek revenge on someone would you?
Revenge is a dish best served cold.
11. How do you react when people cry around you?
I get uneasy sometimes.
12. Do you bump into someones arm if you want to hold their hand?
No, I just take their hand..
13. Last argument?
Private.
14. Would you ever strip for money?
Sure, why not?
15. Do you have a crush?
I sometimes crush soda cans with my hands.
16. Do you know how to belly dance?
No.
17. What are you listening to?
The refrigerator humming
18. Last meal?
McDonald's sausage biscuits
19. Last nap?
I'm getting ready to take one after I finish this.
20. Do you own a planner?
No, I'm not an anal retentive yuppie.
21. Favorite month?
December.
22. Would your parents be mad if you were in a inter-racial relationship?
They're both dead, but they wouldn't have objected if I did so.
23. Would they be mad if you were gay/lesbian?
See previous question.
24. What are you doing Saturday?
Getting laid and going to work.
25. Sweetest thing anyone has ever done for you?
Sweet? Making me a cake, I suppose.
26. Friend most like you?
My partners in debauchery, I suppose.
27. Kiss on the first date?
Kiss? Man, I get the whole enchilada on the first date.
28. Are you a slut/man whore?
Hahahahaha, what do you think?
29. Favorite color?
Dark green and black.
30. Are you racist?
We're all the same race -- the human race.
31. Excited for anything?
What do YOU think, hmm?
33. Last time you were confused?
I've refused to be confused.
34. If you could cuddle with anyone right now who would you pick?
If it's just going to be "cuddling", I'll pick my cats. With a woman, there's no way it would be limited to just that.
35. Have you ever done something behind your best friend's back and never told them?
Of course.
36. Rent a movie or go to movies?
Usually rent or buy movies.
37. Been to Mexico?
Hell, no. Don't want to go, either.
38. Own a gun?
I used to own several.
39. Happy with life?
Parts of it.
40. How old are you?
Old enough to have some sense, but still young enough to chase tail.
41. Do you wish you were older? Why?
Hell, no!
42. Would you take a bullet for anyone?
See above question.
43. What's one thing you want to accomplish in life?
Be a published author.
44. Do you wish someone was with you?
I wish my parents were still alive.
45. Done something today you shouldn't have?
Always...
46. Do you hate anyone?
Not to the point of obsession, no.
47. Feel sorry for someone?
Of course.
48. Do you think everything is your fault?
No. Knowing whose fault something is doesn't do anything to change the situation, anyway. It just makes one person feel smug and the other person feel bad.
49. How are you feeling right now?
Sleepy and horny, but I think sleepy will win out just about now.
50. Do you like anyone?
Lots of people.
51. Do they like you?
Some do, I'm sure.
52. Are you single?
Depends on what you mean by "single". If you mean "alone", then no. If you mean "unmarried", then yes.
53. Happy about that?
Hell, yes. Freedom is great.
55. Are you eating or drinking anything?
Not at the moment no.
56. Anything you always wear?
No. I always wear clothes in public, but not always in private.
57. Last song you heard?
I don't remember.
58. Where are you?
In front of the computer.
59. Kissed anyone in the past 24hrs?
Of course.
60. Ever thought you were going to die?
Yes.
61. Where's your cell phone?
Next to the bed.
62. Do you like the way you look?
It works for me.
63. What should you be doing?
"Should"? Right now, whatever the hell I want to do.
64. Texting anyone currently? Who?
I don't text.
65. Are you tired?
Yep. That's why I'm posting this type of entry.
66. Are you doing this because your bored?
Yep.
67. Needing to tell someone something important?
Not at the present time.
68. Planning on telling them?
N/A
69. Do you watch porn?
Now and then..
70. Do you watch it with your boyfriend/girlfriend?
Sometimes a lover and I will have it on while we're doing the same thing as what's happening on screen.
A Multiplicity of Vices?
Never support two weaknesses at the same time. It's your combination sinners - your lecherous liars and your miserly drunkards - who dishonor the vices and bring them into bad repute. ~Thornton Wilder
There are those who would consider my voracious sexual appetite and my non-traditional ways of going about meeting this need to be a "vice". Naturally, I don't consider it a vice, but, rather as my basic nature. If I did find it be a failing of character, I would certainly take better pains to conceal and/or deny it.
Rather, I think my primary failing, my personal vice, is sloth, better known as laziness. I'm a procrastinator of the first order and I've never worked any harder on a job than was necessary to keep that job. I do what I'm required to do, but not one iota more. My personal motto regarding work is "Never volunteer for anything".
I never do today what I can safely put off until tomorrow. I live in the one house on the block that makes the rest of the neighborhood look bad with its unkempt yard, gutters that need replacing, bits of trash unpicked-up on the lawn. The inside of the house looks similarly "lived in".
My lack of ambition and industriousness has had a major negative influence on my life -- the college diploma never earned, the book not published, the musical career not pursued -- and is, of course, the major reason why I'm as poor as a college student though in my late forties.
Though, for the most part, I don't regret or apologize for my laid-back approach to life, I do regret not getting my degree and I know I need to get my rear in gear and publish a book.
On the other hand, there is nothing I regret about my sexual proclivities. It hasn't had a negative effect on my life and I won't go to my grave with unfulfilled fantasies in this realm. Hence, it is not a "vice" in my life.
In reference to the quote above, many people exhibit more than one major vice in their lives, as part of an underlying addictive personality. Heavy drinkers are usually heavy smokers, and drug addicts often have problems with smoking and drinking along with their primary addiction. Excessive drinking often accompanies chronic overeating, and compulsive gamblers are often heavy smokers as well.
You get the drill; though vices can happen singly, they commonly occur in various combinations together.
Though I consider myself to have the single vice of sloth, and though some would add sex as my second vice, I'm not at all tempted by any of the other common vices.
In fact, I can be rather anal and self-righteous about some of the other vices. I don't allow anyone to smoke in my car and I make gibes about "taking a health break" to my co-workers standing outside smoking. Though I went through a phase in college where I drank a good bit of beer, I left the habit behind when I left college. After years of dealing with asshole drunks on the police force, I never drink at all now, nor can I abide the company of drunks. The only reason you'll ever see me in a bar these days is looking for a hookup -- I always order Coke or Pepsi until I've made my conquest for the night.
I've never done any drugs at all, including pot. I saw all my college roommates doing it, and they'd always choke with their eyes running every time they took a hit, and combined with the revolting odor, it completely soured me on the idea of taking part. Similarly, I don't overeat very often, nor do I gamble beyond buying a lottery ticket once in a blue moon.
I'm not particularly bothered with feelings of envy, greed (indeed, my sloth prevents me from being too greedy), jealousy, and though I can get angry, it doesn't happen constantly, nor at the drop of a hat.
So, what's my point with all this rambling? It's simple. I advise everyone to have one vice and do it really well. ;-)
Ten Years On
I realized the other day that I've been a computer user and have been online for ten years now.I'd wanted a computer as soon as personal computers were introduced, but because they were quite expensive at first, I was never able to afford one. If I remember correctly, the first IBM PCs back in the 80s cost a staggering six thousand dollars, with their monochromatic monitors and laughably paltry hard drives.
Fortunately, the trend has been that as computers have grown more sophisticated over the years, they've also become more affordable at the same time.
Still, for a long time, the price of a computer put them out of my reach. My first technological advance up from a typewriter was a word processor with a monochrome monitor, which I got in 1992. I think I paid something like four hundred bucks for it. As I remember, it had only one font on it, and you had two choices as to font size, 10 and 12, using the old typewriter terms of "pitch". Some word processors also provided 15 "pitch" as well.
The main value of this kind of word processor was that one could get their text perfect before committing it to paper. Storage was available on floppy disks, but each disk took only about ten to twelve pages of single spaced lines.
When a buddy of mine got one of the original Pentium computers, a Compaq Presario, in 1995, my desire to get one of my own only increased.
Finally, in 1998, after getting my inheritance after a two and a half year delay, I got my first computer. It was a 2 gig (count 'em -- two!) Gateway Pentium II. I had to pay two grand for it and I thought I was really uptown.
I signed up with a local dialup internet provider for 29.95 a month. That was back in the days of limited hours of service -- that thirty bucks was for only 150 hours of time per MONTH. Any time over that, and I'd have been paying a dollar an hour. Fortunately, they soon went to unlimited service. I can't imagine trying to keep within 150 hours a month now.
When I first went online, I was big into Yahoo chat rooms, which was in the days before advertising bots had taken it over and back when you couldn't use swear words in a chat room. For instance, if you typed "blow job", Yahoo rendered that as "puppy"! To this day, I can't hear the word puppy without snickering a bit.
I started with Windows 95, Internet Explorer 3, Eudora Lite email, and Word 97. I remember the first time I did an "illegal operation" -- it made me wonder what the hell I'd done and I was concerned that the cyber police were going to come along and fine me for something. I also remember the first time my computer froze and locked down on me -- I couldn't figure out what I'd done wrong and thought I'd broken the damned thing.
I'd had some snail mail correspondents back then, but they all fell by the wayside once I had people I could email, instead. I soon discovered Instant Messaging, with ICQ being my first IM program. I didn't stick with that very long; I moved to AOL IM and then to Yahoo IM, where I remain today.
Not long after going online, I discover message boards about all sorts of topics, and I still enjoy participating on the number of them today, though I've changed which boards I'm active on over the years. NASCAR message boards were the first ones I was active on, but I don't even read NASCAR boards at all any more.
This was also in the days before blogs. At that time, people were getting personal web sites with decidedly bare bones graphics, usually of one uniform (and ugly) color with severe font restrictions.
I discovered blogging in 2004, when a friend made in a chat room in 2002, told me I should start one and write about my less-than-conventional life. I started and abandoned two blogs at Diary-X and Diaryland, mainly because of their bare-bones appearances and lack of customization features. Finally, I started a blog at Blog-City in April of 2004, which I still maintain today and it now has three-quarters of a million hits. I started another blog at Modblog in August of 2004, as a blog full of my actual sexual experiences. When Modblog crashed and most Modbloggers ended up at the first EFX2, I ended up there as well, but I decided to make my EFX a mirror blog of Blog City and move the sex blog to Blogger. When the first EFX crashed, I started another Blogger blog to be yet another mirror blog, and then recreated it once again on the present EFX.
After ten years of computer and internet use, I can't imagine how I got along without it. I've made friends from all over the world with my computer, bought items unavailable in my own area by computer, kept in touch with family much cheaper than using the phone or traveling. I pay my bills online, I get my news and weather online, found new relatives while searching my family tree online, and so on. It's made all the difference in the world in my life. I would give up my TV, before I'd give up my computer.
How long have you been online?
Some Odd Dreams
I've been having a lot of vivid dreams lately, so I thought I'd share a few snippets of recent ones.In one dream, I was standing on the side of a rural road with a lover. A column of Army trucks drove past us, each full of infantry soldiers. But they were not the usual soldiers one might expect to see. They looked like ancient Greek or Roman foot soldiers, complete with chest armor, bare legs, sandals, those helmets with the crests that look like the bristle part of a push broom, round shields, and long spears.
The woman with me looked at me in confusion to see this incongruous sight and I told her that the men were hoplites.
I thought that this particular manifestation of history was odd because, even though I'm a history buff, I know very little about this particular time period and have not read any more about it than one would get in a general history book from school. I have no clue whatsoever why I remembered what a hoplite was and why they appeared in my dream.
______________________________________
In the next dream on the same night, I was in an auditorium and I was using the cell phone of one of my old college roommates. It's not clear who I was speaking of, but I was talking about my former roommate in a less than complimentary fashion, talking about how he had mental problems and needed some help.
The dream drifted a bit and the roommate came along and found his cell phone where I'd left it in the auditorium. I was watching from somewhere nearby, but unseen by the ex roommate. Unbeknownst to me, he had a cell phone that recorded all conversations made on it, so I witnessed him discovering the call I made, but not recognizing my voice on the phone -- it had been nearly 30 years since I'd seen him.
He was pissed and submitted the conversation to a voice recognition program to see if he could figure out who said the uncomplimentary things about him. I'm not sure if he ever did discover it, as the dream faded before he got to that point.
______________________________________-
On another night, I was visiting with a former coworker from about 20 years ago in her high rise apartment building. Her husband was not at home and I was hoping to get her into bed. It's not clear if I did or not, but the dream fast-forwarded to several hours later and she got a call from her husband, saying he's on the way home.
I was standing behind where she was sitting on the sectional sofa and when she hung up, I said I have to leave. She looked at the clock and said that I can't get my car back after five thirty, so I won't be able to get home.
The apartment building had a parking area way up high inside the apartment building itself, with the cars being brought up that high by means of a vehicle elevator. (There is such a thing -- I remember my parents using a parking garage in Boston that took cars to upper levels by means of several car elevators.).
I looked at my watch and thought it was not yet five thirty -- but it was ten-thirty at night.
The dream drifted and she and I were wandering in hidden corridors of the building, the ones maintenance workers would use. We came upon a long row of cement columns, covered in thin metal sheets and metal guard rails. I see a crack, where one of the metal/guardrail sheets had come loose and I look to see what's on the other side.
It was part of the garage area, which was the length of a couple of football fields. I looked and saw my car parked, along with several others, at the bottom of one section. I pried the rest of the metal piece open and we squeezed through, but by the time we got to where the car was, it had disappeared. We saw two doors on either side of the garage area and we each took a door, to see if there were other garages behind them that would have my car.
I went through my door and found a room full of red metal rolling toolchests.
The dream drifted at this point, and I never found out how it ended.
Odd dreams, huh?
Seven of Ten
TEN GENERAL QUESTIONS1. Are you single?
Depends on how you define "single"
2. Are you happy?
At times.
3. Are you bored?
Not often -- I know how to entertain myself
4. Are you sad?
At times.
5. Are you Italian?
No.
6. Are you German?
No
7. Are you Asian?
No
8. Are you cool?
Only when I open the refrigerator door.
9. Are you Irish?
One quarter Irish
10. Are your parents still married?
They're dead.
TEN FACTS
1. Birth Place:
Providence, RI
2. Hair Color:
Dark brown.
4. Hair style:
Long
5. Eye color:
Green
6. Birthday:
May 11
7. Mood:
Horny and sleepy all at once.
9. Where do you live?
Wherever I happen to be at the moment. If you're asking where do I SLEEP, it's in SC
10. Lefty/righty:
Righty.
TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE
Question 1 is apparently AWOL
2. Do you believe in love at first sight?
No. Lust, yes; love, no
3. Why did your last relationship fail?
Benign neglect.
4. Have you ever been hurt?
Of course
5. Have you ever broken someone's heart?
Many times
7. Have you ever liked someone but never told them?
"Liked"? Or "wanted to fuck"? There IS a difference.
8. Are you afraid of commitment?
I'm not "afraid" of it; it's just not for me.
9. Have you hugged someone within the last week?
The full body hug....
10. Have you ever had a secret admirer?
I'm sure.
TEN THIS OR THAT
1. Love or lust?
Lust!
2. Hard liquor or beer?
Beer.
3. Cats or dogs?
Cats.
4. A few best friends or many regular friends?
Platonic friends -- I only need a few
5. Television or Internet?
Internet.
6. Pepsi or coke?
Both.
7. Wild night out or romantic night in?
Both.
9. Night or day?
Vampire here
10.IM or phone?
IM.
TEN HAVE YOU EVER
1. Been caught sneaking out?
I'm an adult -- no need.
2. Been skinny dipping?
Naturally.
3. Done something you regret?
Of course.
4. Bungee jumped?
What's the point?
6. Finished an entire jaw breaker?
yes.
7. Wanted something/someone so badly it hurt?
Yup.
8. Wanted an ex bf/gf back?
No.
9. Cried because you lost a pet?
Of course.
10. Wanted to disappear?
It would be nice for eavesdropping
TEN PREFERENCES
1. Smile or eyes:
Eyes.
2. Light or dark hair:
Dark.
3. Hugs or kisses:
Fucking
4. Shorter or taller:
What difference does it make?
5. Intelligence or attraction:
Depends upon what I'm looking for.
6. Romantic or spontaneous:
Spontaneous.
8. Hook-up or relationship:
Many, many hookups. Variety is the spice of life
9. Smelly feet or smelly breath:
Feet -- I don't want to kiss feet even when they're clean
10. Play the guitar or into sports:
Guitar
TEN LASTS
1. Last phone call you made:
A lover
2. Last phone call you received:
Son
3. Last person you hung out with:
I'm not a necktie -- I don't hang out
4. Last person you hugged:
My cat -- does that count?
5. Last person you tackled:
A lover during rough sex.
6. Last person you IMed:
A blogging friend
7. Last text message you received:
Don't do text messaging
8. Last person(s) you liked:
I like lots of people
9. Last person you missed:
I've not shot at anyone recently to have missed. ;)
10.Last person you kissed:
A lover.
A Confession
Today, I thought I'd rattle down a bone from the skeletons in my closet.Not too long ago, a young guy at work called me an "old has-been". Naturally, this pissed me off big time -- because as long as I can do what I want, then I'm an "is", not a "has-been". And "old" is a matter of perspective. Some people in their 20s might consider me "old", which, obviously, my primary lover does not. But to someone in their 80s, I'm just as young to them as a teenager would be to me.
I have to admit my first reaction was one of revenge. Particularly, I thought it would be a fine idea to find his girlfriend and seduce her -- "I'll show him who's old!" I knew that what I didn't have in raw youth, I most certainly had plenty of experience and finesse.
But then my conscience inconveniently kicked in. I thought that it's not her fault that her boyfriend is a pretentious jerk and that it would not be fair for me to use and then discard her simply for the sake of my own ego and to get revenge.
Did I say old? I meant mature.
But I have to admit that ten years ago, I wouldn't have stopped to think of the woman's feelings, but would have gone with my first instinct without a moment's hesitation.
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